Greetings, all. Welcome to Treasures of the Lost Internets. I’m FlashMan.
And I’m MegaMattMan GS SP Reborn DX ZX RV XD DDR PBJ 2 Turbo Alpha: The New Challengers.
Treasures is a column featuring the classic internet, ladies and gentlemen.
The internet we’ve long since forgotten, thankfully. If the real internet was like the one in EXE, this section of the internet would be sandwiched between the standard internet and the Underchans, a shattered net of broken links, MIDI music, and next-to-unreadable text.
It’d be flooded by Anon.EXE for certain.
I wish. Then we wouldn’t have to do this. JudgeMan said this was part of my community service, so I’m locked into it. It’s either that or 24 hours of X7.
Remind me next time I’m in court to deny him his 13-page objection. Anyway, the idea behind Treasures is to find old or outdated websites and, in our usual mockumentary style, douse them with commentary.
And by commentary, we of course mean sarcasm and mockery. What fun!
What fun indeed!
I wasn’t aware fun was measured in pain.
Yes, pain is the IEEE-certified unit of fun now.
I can’t argue with the opinion of a certified expert.
Put your certificate down there’s no need to show those people that side of you.
Awww…
Anyway, onto tonight’s topic.
We’re proud to present to you as our first offering a Pokemon fansite from the good old fad era.
This site is back from when everybody who knew anything about Pokemon knew about Charcolt (or, in my case, Charcoal) or the Pokegods, and it’s a somewhat-disturbing little time capsule.
I admit, I wasn’t into Pokemon during the fad era (Sonic had my gaming soul then and I’m not sure he’s let it go) so this’ll be a first look for me.
I don’t even think it has a name, truthfully.
I believe you’re right, but the URL (http://maxpages.com/squrtlesquad/) calls it Squrtle Squad, so let’s just call it that. Honestly, I can’t think of a more apt name. A name that clearly says “abandon all accurate Pokemon information, all ye who enter here.”
MY LEVEL 74 BLUCHU WILL DELETE YOUR POCKET MEN WITH LIFE
AND POWER
FRIENDSHIP
AND CHAOS
Level 100 Mewtwo says hello. Getting back on topic, the first thing that you’ll notice about the page is the horrendous MIDI music. As far as MIDI files go, it’s decent (no doubt lifted from somewhere else) but that doesn’t mean it’s not incredibly annoying and ear-shattering.
That’s a remix of the traditional battle theme, I think.
I’m not sure.
Adblock took care of it for me.
I believe you’re correct.
I don’t want Adblock so much as Final Gun, honestly.
Well, besides the music that’s impossible to turn off, I’d say the first thing noticeable about this top-quality production is its animated gif background.
Oh, you mean the mostly-dark-blue background that makes it almost impossible to read any of the text?
Yes, the seizuriffic background that keeps alternating between Squirtle evolutions, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff.
And let’s not forget the popups as soon as you go to the webpage urging you to vote for this site. For president, perhaps? I wouldn’t trust this site with the Department of Shoelace-Tying, let alone the entire nation.
Or the clustermuck of links at the top of the page that is his “navigation bar”.
Let’s take a look at the first page, or specifically, the “content” on it. Apparently the owner of the site is Kamal. And his pick of the week circa 2000 was Snorlax.
Fine choice, Snorlax owns you.
I see that he also lives in Vancouver. Perhaps we can get Sten to track him down and beat him with a hockey stick.
/me snickers
Oh, this is encouraging.
We’re on the top page– we haven’t even DELVED into this thing’s plethora of linkage yet– and we see this:
“Hi everbody I am a Pavandeep,Gamada sold his site to me and i really hope you enjoy it.”
Wow.
Okay.
Sold it? This guy must have done the marketing for LJN to sell this crap site.
OUCH
He also professes that his site rocks.
Is that Charizard graphic stolen from Azure Heights?
Most likely, yes.
The first rule of websites back then was, after all, “never make your own content.”
There’s a button here that when you click on it pops up a window that shows Charizard with “THIS SITE ROCKS” in bold letters.
Bunch of ads follow, then a poll.
Oh wow, listen to this poll.

“THE QUESTION
What do you think will happend to Pokemon in the next year or two!
Get out of style?
Get more exciteing?
Get stupider ?
Get deleted of T.V.?
Other?”
THE QUESTION
How many grammatical errors can you find?
Uh oh. I have a feeling our heroes are going to be laid to rest…
What do you think will happend to Pokemon in the next year or two!
“Happend”? Either happen or happened, buddy. Minus 10%.
That also needs a question mark. Minus 10% more.
Get out of style? This isn’t a question. None of these answers are. What is this, Jeopardy? Minus 50% for all those.
Exciting isn’t spelled that way. Minus 10%.
Get stupider… it’s annoying, but grammatically correct. A pass.
Get deleted of T.V…. First, that should be off, and second, things don’t get “deleted” off T.V., they’re canceled. 20% for that.
Also, Get deleted of T.V. doesn’t fit with the other choices. It’s better, worse, the same… or canceled? Minus 10% for poor parallelism.
And we have a grand total of -10%. Now go and take an English class, you moron!
Expertly played.
*bow* Thank you.
XD
Moving on, another shot of “This site rocks” with Charizard… again…
A few broken images– that’s to be expected, this is after all eight years old– a fistload of animated gifs just kind of clumped there.
Mostly dancing Pikachus and blinking Bulbasaurs. Tasteful.
Below it you can see the “wow!” — not really sure what to say about that… ah, now we’re onto something.
Yeah, I could smell the crap from all the way over here. What’d you find?
Smells more like wood burning to me, but then again I AM viewing this page on my convection oven.
“Meet Squirtle He is my favourite Pokemon”

This WAS before the days of genders, so, that’s acceptable…
And, all considered, was there ever a female Squirtle in the first season of the anime?
“Meet Charizard Charizard isint my favourite Pokemon but I think he looks cool!”
Can I get a shotgun blast to the face instead?
Anyway, there are Squirtle and Charizard kind of randomly, and then he asks you (or tells you I guess) what your favorite Pokemon is.
“Email me and tell me then I will put the picture of your pokemon on my homepage
then on top of it I will right your name and say THIS IS POKEMON CHOICE OF THE WEEK

So email me!”
My favorite Pokemon is Misty. =D
Don’t even go there.
D=
And here’s his signature as a last act of redemption…

“Thanks for coming once again email me youhomo@altavista.com Bye!
I live in Canada , BC Vanouver
e-mail me at youhomo@altavista.com”
I wonder if he wants us to e-Mail him.
…Excuse me while I clean up the milk I just squirted out my nose while reading that. Maybe I can ask my teacher for a napkin.
Make sure it’s not a British teacher or you’ll get Exactly What You Asked For.
Thanks for the advice.
You’re very welcome.
Oh, wow, this site is so cool, it has TWO navigation bars.
Two.
And no fewer than three ad bars at the bottom.
True.
So we’ve got the links at the top…
…the links on the side…
…and a drop-down box.
Wow.
I’m thinking the drop-down box for navigating this site. You?
I’m thinking the M808-Z Main Battle Tank.
Sorry, you’re not on the approved users list for the M808-Z.
We CAN authorize you a Ride Chaser missing its handlebars, though. =D
No thanks, I’ve already got one.
That’s the one I’m offering you.
XD
XD
Always the shrewd businessman, Flash.
Ever the gullible client, MegaMatt.
…you mean that Panel Shoot 1 you sold me wasn’t worth $50?
Gotta go. [/FireMan]
Well, this site has a way to “$$$$$$$$$make money$$$$$$$”. Personally, the best way I’ve found to make $$$ is to hold shift and press 4, but whatever works, I suppose. There’s a misspelled URL here to a survey program, and… that looks to be about it. Marginally better music and a better background.
At least you can read the lack of content on this page.
Blue on blue doesn’t cut it for me. Sorry.
Believe me, I’m not complaining.
Moving on, let’s have a see at some Badges.
Oh wow.
This page warns you right off the bat: “Don’t try the right click thing”
And there’s a MIDI version of the Pokemon anime theme playing. Actually kinda good, no doubt lifted from somewhere else.
And right clicking gives you another popup: “SQURTLE SOAK THE THIEF”
Also of note: the right-click is unimpeded on my browser (Opera) and these are from the manual for Red and Blue.
Alright, let’s see the badges here.
We’ve got, in order: Celadon, Saffron, Fuchsia, Cinnabar, and “Giovanni”…
Wait.
Giovanni is very clearly edited, too.
I think there are a few missing.
His name is in Comic Sans MS, probably done in MS Paint.
Okay, well, whatever. Nice Blastoise graphic… I guess…
(Also stolen, of course, by the copyright on it)
OSNAP
Codes and cheats, oh boy.
There are a ton of these pages, too.
“Pokecodes the greatest”.
I wanna be… The very best….
Oh, this is not encouraging.
Oh wow. XD
“1. Hook 2 Gameboys Together”
I’m sorry, I just cannot get past that.
Here’s one of the Pokecodes the greatest:

“To get Manchamp

First get a Cubon. Then go back to Cerluan City and go to the underground and
talk to the lady and then she will ask you if you want to trad a Cubon for a Manchamp”
How many possible ways can you misspell Pikachu?!
Picachu… pichachu… pichau…
Picahu.
Picahu…
Oh, and, wow. Picablu.
That’s not a misspelling, actually.
Wait, no, it’s Pikablu. Never mind.
Okay, well, we gotta move on. This is horrible. XD
“How to get Mew for Real

One is to use Gameshark or Game Genie,Another is to trad with someone who has it,The last way is to use extreme luck.The only other way that I know of to get mew is to find her on the side of Cinaber Island repeat you need extreme luck.”
…
That sound you’re hearing is my backbrain eating my forebrain.
“About the Pokemons in level 100

I have seen the following Pokemon with the Missiongo code in around level 100 Bulbasur,Charmelion,Golbat,muk,Magickheart,Elictorde,Nidoriane,Rapidash,Golduck,Starmie,
Snorlax,Abra,Kadabra,Alakisam,(No joke),Raticate,and Mewtwo, honestly I saw it with my own eyes.”
…Nidori ane… I think that’s called the Shadow Clone Jutsu in America.
No, it’s the ship that you sail on.
The S.S. Nidori Ane.
I want a Magickheart, personally.
I don’t. I don’t want the Heartless after me.
XD
Fair enough.
As we obviously don’t have the time or manpower to cover each and every individual cheat code on this page, we’ll just take time to point out the one I think is personally interesting.
The Houhou code.
The Specail Houhou code, no less.
Oh my gosh.
…wow. Where to begin?
“To get Houou you must have the Rainbow Stone

1. Put a Hitmonchan at the top of your list

2. Use the Rainbow Stone on Hitmonchan

3. It will evolve into Houou

4. He is level 800, his attacks are mega punch, mega kick, ice punch, fire punch, and he learns fire kill at level 900!

5. Thanx for your votes”
Flash, shall you take this one or shall I?
I would not even BEGIN to deprive you of the privilege.
Nah, I Ghostbusted the last one. It’s your turn.
This is obviously set during Gen I’s timeframe so I imagine Ho-oh hasn’t been unveiled in America yet.
I’m guesing.
So I’m not going to criticize the spelling there.
Confusing matters further, isn’t Houhou the Japanese name of Hoothoot?
Rainbow Stone is a non-existant item, which is a tipoff right there.
Hoho is Hoothoot, Houhou is Ho-oh.
Yes, I know.
Ah. Carry on then.
Confusion for the fail. XD
1. Hitmonchan is a Fighting Pokemon… Ho-oh is Fire/Flying, so that’s already bunk.
2. Rainbow Stone doesn’t exist which we already handled.
3. No.
4. Level 800 is again obvious bunk. I’m not even touching Fire Kill.
5. No, you get no votes, denied.
I think we need the freight train for this one.
Freight train? I’m thinking orbital superlaser. I’ll ask the guys on that Love Satellite or whatever if they have one next time we cross orbits.
Tell the little bird robot I said hi. He’s funny.
You got it.
Well then, onto the Downloads.
Aaaaaand here you can download the midis you’ve been listening to to torture your friends or fellow test subjects.
At least he’s contributing to the community after his special Ho-oh codes.
In the same sense that– must… not… invoke… Godwin’s… Law…
Phew. Now that that urge has passed, I’d hardly call downloading MIDIs from other sites and putting them on your craptacular site with no credit to the original creators is hardly contributing to the community.
I remember when MIDI guys used to be so protective that they’d encode their copyright stuff and threats into the hex code of the file. XD
Moving down from there– Emulators AND Game Boy ROMs?
Two popups, assuring us of the quality of the emulators and ROMs.
……
Aaaand a dead link to an emulator.
Ultra quality.
Only the best. Moving right along…
XDDDDD
The background’s different on this page, by the way.
Oh… I hadn’t noticed.
The next page: Dragon Ball Z Power Levels.
…
Dear goodness.
I have two questions:
1. What does this have to do with Pokemon?
2. How many of them are OVER NINE THOUSAAA– *dragged offscreen, violent sounds, staggers back onscreen* I’m sorry, I’ll never do that again!
Poor Chi Chi. XD
Eiffel 65…!?
Next up: Eiffel 65?
What on earth is that?
The “I’m blue dah ba dee dah ba die” guys.
Popular musicians at the time.
I thought that was that other group.
You know, the one boy band.
Actually, as far as MIDIs go, this is actually kinda catchy.
Moving to next rally point: a Pikachu giveaway. How he plans to orchestrate this without Diamond or Pearl is beyond me.
A popup notifies us that he hopes we like it.
Okay.
“Cool Picture Hu”
What?
…
I’m not going to touch that, because I’d probably end up offending just about every ethnic group on Earth.
Ooooooohhhh. It’s like one of those goofy little e-dolls you put on a web site, I guess.
Really? Looks like a broken link to me.
I’m guessing that, anyway. His friend “Clefable ^_~” was the creator of it, it seems.
Moving on from the Pikachu giveaway, whatever that is…
…we’ve got information!
About Squrtle, no less!
That’s good, because I’ve never heard of a “Squrtle” before.
Also, Squrtle isn’t anywhere even on this page.
“If you don’t mind,I’ll add some for you……..anyways,when you start the game,you need to choose a name.After that,you are in your house in Pallet Town.You have to go down stairs and go out of the house.After you come out,you have to find the grass area and try to go though it………you will meet Professer Oak and he will catch a Pikachu.Then,you’ll be following Professer Oak into the Lab where you can get your Pokemon!That’s all I can remember when I was playing my Pokemon Yellow……..

Information from Clefable ^_~.”
And some random pictures of Wartortle, Blastoise, and the Gym Badge cropouts again.
Go figure.
Next up, Elite Four info. Apparently, dragon isn’t weak to anything. And all these years, here I was thinking that dragon was weak to dragon.
And ice.
I also love how he can’t spell Lorelei.
Why I’m nitpicking on that, I don’t know… maybe it’s because I’ve always felt a certain kindred with Lorelei (probably because we’re both Jynx users).
Or Lapras.
Or Machamp.
Or Gengar.
Or Haunter.
Or Arbok.
Or Aerodactyl.
Or Gyarados.
Or Psychic.
Or Special.
Or effective.
Or trainer.
Or you.
Or use.
Or against.
Or Elite Four.
Or Squirtle.
I think it’d be easier to list the words this person can spell: “a”, “an”, and occasionally “the”.
I also love how he thinks that Psychic is the best strategy against everything.
That’s because it is in Gen 1.
Granted it is the best type in Gen I, but it’s not super-effective against everything.
It is effective against everything, but not super-effective against everything.
No, but does it need to be? A good-leveled Mewtwo and you’ve pretty much written yourself a one-way ticket to Champion.
Yes, that’s quite true, but even still…
…the point is, he’s lying. XD
Again. XD
XD
Moving to Stadium information…
Add “Pickachu” to our How Not To Spell Pikachu list.
Wow, he actually has some decent info here.
Also: lol Nentindo
I’d never have imagined that this guy knew that our Pokemon Stadium is actually Pokemon Stadium 2 in Japan.
And that’s pretty much where the accuracy ends.
Also: lol Poket Monsters
Ugh… This guy’s spelling and grammar are atrocious. The ending screen to Ghostbusters for the NES was better. At least that didn’t have any mistakes in capitalization!
Continuing on the failtrack, we have “Secret Pokemon Names” here.
Oh, this is good.
“Ekans” – spell it backwards and it becomes a snake.
Really?
S
N
A
K
E
OH GOD IT’S BITING ME
Admittedly there’s no such thing as a “Kobra”, but…
*rimshot*
At least he was clever enough to pick up on the Hitmons, but I’m glad Hitmontop wasn’t in Generation 1.
I can’t imagine what the commentary for that would have been nor do I care to know.
The next section is Gold and Silver. This should be good. He can’t even get his facts right on the ones that are translated. XD
Let’s see if we can find at least 20 errors in this page. GO!
I’m all over it.
“Pokemon Gold and Silver is the best Pokemon Game there is going to be.”
#1
I agree. Crystal was the best.
I think you’re missing the point. XD
“For example Charcolt is hear to be the next one following Charizard.”
#2
“And Sapusaur came from Venusaur.”
#3
“Cool right?”
#4
XD
XD
“1. You can’t bring Pokemon Gold and Silver Pokemon to the Blue and Red verisons. Blue and red doesn’t have the needed data for it.”
#5
Well, not exactly.
You CAN, but they can’t be Gen II Pokemon.
Exactly.
But you can catch a, say, Pidgey, and send it over.
Why you’d want to is beyond me.
“2. All the Pokemon are either Night or Day Pokemon. So you need to get 2 teams for the game and to battle your friends.”
#6 just because I have no clue what the heck that sentence even means.
I think he thinks that Night Pokemon can only be used at night and so forth.
“3. This could be a good thing or a bad thing. I think it is mostly good. You can make your own Pokemon by Breeding them. Making new baby Pokemon. It will be the same Pokemon, but the stats will change, that would be fun. When I get it. I’m going to try breeding a Snorlax and a Electrode together.”
#7
“4. Probably not for younger players. I mean with all that Pokemon to catch and night and day!! Younger players will probably get frustrated at it. Oh well. Good news for us.”
#8 again just for confusion’s sake.
Because you’re so mature you can’t spell Pikachu.
“1.) Skate board, not bike.”
#9
“2.) Your older.”
#10
“3.) Boy or girl.”
#11 — Kris isn’t available until Silver.
’6.) Night and day type Pokémon.”
#12
English can’t be this guy’s first language, unless his grade school teacher was, say, CATS.
“7.) Because of having night and day type pokémon, you have one team for day, and one for night!!!!”
#13 — He’s clearly confused about the night and day thing.
“8.) You can also cross breed pokémon like chocobose.”
#14, though admittedly you can breed outside of your species if you’re in proper egg groups, but still, fail.
Only fourteen it seems. Dang, we tried.
*sigh* Where to next, conductor?
To the batmobile.
BANANANANANANA
And once we’re in there, we’re heading to MY POKEMON
It appears as though this trainer has only one Pokemon: his beloved Squirtle.
I’m starting to be a bit creeped out over how much he likes Squirtle. It’s… not natural.
*surrounded by Jynxes* What exactly are you trying to say?
. . .
Moving right along, yes.
“My six strong and favourite Pokemon” Next.
Can you believe we’re not even halfway done yet?
I’m afraid.
I feel like I’ve been doing this for hours.
Next time that other satellite comes near, I’m jumping on. Manos: The Hands of Fate doesn’t seem so bad after this. XD
I’ll go hang with Torgo myself.
Well, those references complete, looks like we’ve got some news, a copied-and-pasted press release about a Pokemon League mall tour (which I actually attended) and… the infamous Poke Rap.
Complete with incorrectly spelled Pokemon names.
Thankfully, no MIDI Poke Krap for us. It’s just the lyrics. I hope he stole this rather than subject himself to it to copy these down.
Considering he spelled Mr. Mime as Mr. Mine, I’d say no.
Then again, maybe this is why his brain is so damaged.
Now we’re onto sponsors.
Or “sponsers”.
“The best world wide sponser company is www.clickagents.com every 5 minutes poeple sign up for it. So I would Poke adives you to go there and get a sponser for your website. I have not recived one yet because they would not accept the folloing kinds of sites.

Can’t have to do with Pokemon! JUST KIDDING

1.[No phorn should be shown on the site]
2.[Can't have to do with hacking realated activates]
3.[Can't be about racism]
4.[Can't be about a different languege]
5.[Can't sponser sites that have less then 3000 vistors monthly]-This is the reason I coudnt join so you dont have to vote but always come to my site it will always be updated
but if you do have time vote if you want.”
Phorn?
He’s going to Poke adives us.
I don’t even want to think about what Phorn is.
No hacking realated. Is that like realated estate?
Now he’s telling us about his site.
CRAP
There, that sums it all up.
“My site is the first site I have ever made that acuttaly turned out good well Im doing all these stuff because when I first started my site I didnt know about it so I would ask friends but now I know and sometimes I look for some place else to make a site because I know so much about it now if I made a nother site it would be so much better!

If that doesnt anwser your question email me gderese@hotmail.com”
Oh, and a non-offensive e-mail address.
What’s this?
A Pokemon Walkthrough?
Cut off in mid-sentence right before the Elite Four, no less.
The spelling implies heavily that it was stolen, but I don’t care.
Correct grammar is a real breath of fresh air.
I’d definitely say it was lifted.
Next, we have a list of voters.
And look at the first one on the list!
“gderese@hotmail.com”
Well well!
Right, because I want my e-mail to be exposed to all sorts of spambots sending me hacking realated phorn.
As well as the fact he’s crediting himself.
I hate racist hackers that credit themselves.
And one “backstreetparyboy”… I daresay this paryboy is doing too much parying and not enough studying.
Hey, I’m not racist! XD
Shhh, keep your phorn to yourself.
Oh, what’s this? A picture gallery?
Looks like the same seven pictures eveywhere else on the site.
Maybe this is Magickheart: http://maxpages.com/images/animations/body/heart.gif
Magickheart!
The most powerful Pokemon!
All hail the power of fiendship!
FIENDship is right.
Also, he allows you copy these pictures!

It’s easy to give away something that doesn’t belong to you in the first place, right?
Tell that to John Romero.
John Romero: The best thing to happen to comedy since the French.
Aha! And another ten points for MegaMatt!
Below that link are some animations, but…
…these are, uh, mostly the same as the previous page.
Oh, look, and here we’ve got the full Pokedex.
Lifted, no doubt, as the spelling isn’t something that a brain-damaged monkey would write.
And I love how the Johto Pokemon are all in Japanese still.
This was way back when.
He’s also got more in-depth “information” — again, probably lifted — on the original 151.
“Pokemon Storys…”
I don’t think we’re equipped to handle this.
I’ll call in Special Ops, you go on ahead.
No problem! *catches flame*
*cough* Are the special ops here?
Hold on…
*black helicopters appear overhead, heavily armored troops drop down and rush in*
We’re good.
Shall we?
We shall.
I’ll handle the copypasta, you provide the satire.
“Okay it started like this I was watching T.V. and I saw Pokemon.”
Really now?
“Well actully my sister was the first one to see it I missed the first eposide but you know they always repeat it.”
Fascinating stuff.
“I thought it was awsome everyday after school me and my friends would all watch it waiting for Pokemon to evolve seeing new gymtrainers meeting new Pokemon. But once agin”
Awsome indeed. I know I’m going AWWWW every few minutes at this terrible grammar.
“the show soon got a little boring beacuse they would always repeat the show I would hate that. But sooner or later they showed new eposides I loved that I would watch every single eposide. But later I lost touch of it because I either had to much homework or was going out somewhere so I missed some eposides but Im still trying to stay in tracks
Oh yahh Pokemon cards are a way different story.”
Are they a more coherent and decisive story?
Evidently the homework had no impact on your grammar.
He’s trying to stay in tracks?
Better than on the internet.
I highly doubt that anything else Captain Dane U. Brammage has to say will be coherent, but go ahead.
Being an avid Pokemon TCG fan I think this one’s in my court…
“My Pokemon Cards Story”
“Okay it started like this at my school there was this kid who bought Pokemon cards then
as soon as people found that out they were paying him to go buy it for them. Unfortanly
I didnt have the money it was $20 dolors one of my friends had it so I gave him my Yo Yo
for him to give me 5 cards I know that might seem stupid but belive you would have done the same! I had a,two Charmaders,one Ponyata,one Staru,and one Dudo I was extremly happy
then after I decided that a friend and me should share cards even though my friend had none. But he soon bought some cards at school from other kids he got 5 cards we traded some got some belevie me like everyone in the school had like 50 cards! But we took turnes buying some by the end of 1 weak we had 44 cards 2stars and then all basics
it was amazing we had the lowest cards in the school and now we were doing great now everyone would come to us in the ending of the month we had 56 cards and 7 stars with
and 3 of them were shinys. We were on the top but some big money spenders came up with 95 cards some people bought some cards from us then we used the money to get 4 diamends then sell them for twice as much money I started with. Then we would get stars we would take turnes trying to get money every week I would have to come up with atleast $4 dolers
but my friend would come up with $5 because I started the deck. Then we would both get $6 in the ending of 2monthes we had 345 cards and 95 stars 45 shines! But later on Pokemon cards were band from are school so because this kid stole 90 dolers from his mom and bought 7 stars. So bussines hasnt been going so well because of that were thinking of selling our deck but I dont think anyone will buy!

P.S. If you do want to buy well yah suck Im not going to put my address on the net!”
At any rate, I rather enjoyed the TCG, but this is such a teal deer I’m not about to touch his story for one reason: I. Don’t. Care.
Dolors, dolers…
I guess the $ is purely cosmetic.
Dolores.
And now, here we are.
The moment we’ve all been waiting for.
His about me page.
“I was raised by monkeys at an early age in an attempt to prove or disprove the ancient Shakespeare-typing argument…”
He’s ten.
That explains everything.
Ah, so he just got out of the cage, then.
He was ten.
He’s eighteen now. XD
Crud. XD
And apparently we have some copypasta from some website which thinks it knows about Pokemon as it references Electric Soldier Porygon.
That’s nice, dear.
…wait…
How old is Sten? XD
Considering his most recent Shotgun J post says he’s 25 and has never played a Pokemon game until just recently…
I knew it. He’s been hiding in the closet. XD
HE EEZ LIEING
XD
Well, it’s like my dad always says…
If you’re going to be in the closet, you should always have an axe with you.
True words.
Anyway, I think we can safely skip all the TCG info. It’s probably all lifted and you probably know all of it already. XD
So, let’s move on to Pokemon Questions.
It’s the revenge of the -10% question from above and, surprisingly, two more!
“IN WHAT LEVEL SQURTLE EVOLVES IN TO BLASTOIS
LEVEL 36
USE UNLIMTED RARE CANDYS
LEVEL 27
LEVEL 65
DOES NOT EVOLVE
LEVEL 37
LEVEL 43″
I’d like “Pointless Questions” for $500, Alex.
Technically none of those answers are correct.
…really now?
Squirtle doesn’t evolve into Blastoise at all, at any level.
But Squirtle DOES evolve, so, yes, he fails.
I didn’t catch that, actually. XD
And there’s another question about the age of Misty.
Chances are, if you know this, you shouldn’t.
10 in Episode 003, but it’s never actually stated anywhere in the dub.
>_>
…Awkward W, Slot-in!
THEY’RE ALL TEN EXCEPT BROCK WHO IS LIKE FIFTEEN OR SOMETHING
Next up: The Eposide Guide.
Oh boy.
It’s just a whole bunch of misspelled episode titles from season one.
How guiding.
Indeed.
Moving right along, an Eiffel65 music video.
…yeah.
Still moving right along, a Yoshi code.
“This code is kind of easy. It might not work if it doesnt dont get mad.

1. Trade your dratini into the red version rais it to dragon air.

2. Use a fire (It will say it wont have any affect but it does)”
…what?
Hold on a second, I’m going for the translator.
Mine says “gibberish”.
*Mine says “speaking in foreign language”.
“This code is a lie, it’s something I made up. I’m absolving myself of the fact I’m a ten-year-old with too much time on my hands by telling you it may not work. This is also a failsafe to get you to waste your time doing this trivial activity.
1.) Trade your Dratini to the Red version and evolve it to Dragonair.
2.) Set your game pak on fire.”
Sounds about right, yes.
Good.
use FIRE on WORLD
*use FIRE on ZA WARUDO
*use DEATH NOTE on CREATOR OF THIS PAGE
Well, it looks like there’s just one page left, thank God.
“Pokemon jokes”
Oh, I’ve saved the best for last.
The first thing that you see when you go here is a popup window reading “Look around hope you laugh to the ground”. …yeah. Worst attempt at humor ever, and we haven’t even gotten to the jokes yet.
“please vote but you better look around its pretty funny”
Chances are, if the site has to tell you that it’s supposed to be funny, it’s not.
Not only that, this site has the AUDACITY to TELL you that you BETTER look around. Or what?
Oh, no, you’re wrong there.
This site is hilarious.
Just unintentionally.
XD
Let’s keep moving. I’ve got a lot of ground to cover and I’m running low on happy pills.
Oh.
My.
Gosh.
Exactly.
These jokes aren’t work-safe.
And they’re on the site of a TEN-YEAR OLD
Oh, wow. Just… wow.
And, to top it all off, they’re not even remotely funny!
And it’s the revenge of phorn, I see.
They’re isn’t even the most basic attempt at humor here, it’s just “lol u sed stuff bout secks lolz”
And those two that are work-safe are either bad or nonsensical.
“From Mich……….What do you call a Riachu with a bad attiuted a I hatechu”
If that one had some better punctuation and spelling, it might be passable.
But it’s not, and it’s just sad.
And if he had spelled Raichu correctly.
“From Mich……….What do you call a Blastouis and a Turoas a Tortus get it…”
I can’t make heads nor tails of this one.
Perhaps Turoas is a Digimon?
I think he’s trying to make a pun off of Blastoise and Tauros equalling a Tortoise, but the delivery is butchered by his lack of a spellchecker and his incessant giggling over biological functions he doesn’t even understand.
*ding ding ding* We have a winner!
Well, I for one have to admit this has been a rather enjoyable blast of nostalgia.
It certainly has, in an incredibly masochistic sort of way.
Well, I say enjoyable.
Preferable to a shot in the hip.
I’m not so sure about tha– Oh, hey! That other satellite is coming around again! You got the grappling hook ready?
I surely do.
Harness locked and loaded?
Yep.
Excellent.
*shouting* Joel! Swing wide over here!
/run firecouchgrapplinghook.exe

Treasures of the Lost Internets is a joint project between MegaMatt and FlashMan. All properties copyright their respective owners.

“Oh, wow, Tom. Your head really DOES resemble a gumball machine.”